My Partner is the Main Parent

Victoria Cairl
3 min readJun 20, 2021
My husband showing me how parenting is done.

“I want kids,” he told me on our second or third date. I didn’t feel the same way, nor was it a deal breaker.

I had not ruled out the idea of children. Dreams of having a career in the entertainment business, had put “becoming a parent” further down my priority list. My childhood hero was Murphy Brown, so I figured I could simply bang out a child in my 40’s, if I really wanted one, and my housepainter would help me raise the kid.

A man named Jim Cairl came into my life and upset that apple cart. He proposed marriage, along with an unconventional promise, “If we have kids, I will be the main parent,”he told me.

Twenty-one years and three kids later, he made good on that promise. Our marriage has had its “ups and downs”, but he remains the best father I have ever seen in action. He changed nearly every diaper, packed a thousand lunches, handled trips to the ER, pushed swings at multiple playgrounds. While I travelled for work, he drove to daycare. I took business meetings over dinners in the city, he chaperoned first dates at the movie theater and spent hours at the arcade defeating claw games.

I worked hard and put in long hours. I climbed the ladder to earn more. I made sure we were provided for financially. I did the things he loathed, like shopping for groceries, handling our budgets or balancing our complicated…

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Victoria Cairl
Victoria Cairl

Written by Victoria Cairl

Writes about women and work and all else

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