Positivity, Patience, Persistence and Hope

I’m in a period of transition lately. Normally I am a woman who knows what she wants but the crystal ball I usually see so clearly through has grown cloudier. The confidence I carry myself with has grown weary. Perhaps the hope I always have has grown far too heavy.

I don’t like being this way. It’s not who I am. Then, as if I need a reminder, there arrived three wise people to get me out of my own drama.

Positivity

“Everyone is miserable”, an old friend told me recently, “It’s because everyone is striving and once they succeed there’s just further to go. No one enjoys that we work in this business. You’re not like that. Don’t be like them.”

“I’m not miserable”, I told him, “I love what I do. Just for fun, let’s spend the rest of this lunch trying to speak positively about everything.”

And we did, I made it through 90 minutes of taking everything I am going through now and turning it into just steps along the path to better times. And honestly, I did feel better. It’s screwed up to say that everything happens for a reason but sometimes we can change the way we handle things but simply shifting the narrative.

Patience

A week later, I sat with a woman I admire so much. A fellow mother, she’s put her career in a bit of a holding pattern and I tried to pry into why that was. Three kids have poured out of me and my ambition is stoppable, what was her excuse?

“Vic, things are constantly changing. Everything Is temporary, you have to live in the moment. Sure, I have turned down opportunities career-wise in the past couple years but then I know better opportunities are coming around the corner. Embrace the temporary. You can’t always know how it’s going to end. You have to go along for the ride. You got this.”

She’s right. I know. And sure, she transformed in moments from a peer to a Zen guru, but I believe her. Maybe I need to stop constantly pushing for bigger, better, faster more and just embrace the little moments along the way.

Persistence

I am raising two teenage girls. Or maybe they are raising me. I spent time one-on-one with both of them this week. We ate meals facing one another with our phones packed away and shared long train rides filled with conversation. When I look at the women they are becoming, it’s staggering. I’m so proud of them both and yet feel like they are leaving me behind a little more every day as they become their selves beyond our family.

The younger daughter is the most like me and thereby the most frustrating to deal with on the daily. She’s smart, strong and her confidence knows no bounds. But she’s hard to reach, as she thinks she’s ready to run everything and I know she still has lots to learn. I told her, I wanted to support her ambition to work in entertainment, as I knew a career could be made out of doing what you love. But then made the mistake of saying, “Maybe you could be a little less lazy.”

And she calmly but firmly snapped back at me, “Mom, never call me lazy. I work as hard as you do. I do my school work, play rehearsal, I film and edit my own YouTube videos, I practice singing for two hours every day. I learned that if you want to succeed you have to hustle and I learned that by watching you. You’re always working to make your dreams come true. So can I.”

I just smiled at her and tried not to cry. Both filled with pride for this kid and wanting to push her even harder to succeed. I had to stop and trust what I’d been teaching her for years was sinking in. Schooled by my own kid.

Hope

Beyond my day to day, there are other things that make me feel helpless and sad (the past week in the news, for example). Everyone has felt a bit heartbroken over the past couple months on my side of the aisle. I’ve heard my friends wonder what will come next Tuesday, not matter how hard we work or pray or try to stay positive.

Somehow, maybe naively, I have hope. (And a note to vote on my calendar.)

Hope helps us all.

My friend had lost her job recently. But she kept her head up. She went out and worked her network, applied and interviewed, did her thing. I called her recently to tell her I had her back, I was ready to help and to wish her luck. She got a job offer later that day. It’s all going to be ok. Who knows how the new job will go, that’s for the next chapter. But for now, for a moment, life is good.

I don’t claim to know the future. I will fall into more doubt and go through other challenges. But if everything always was rosy the ride wouldn’t be as fun. Without the strife, the success would never be as sweet. The bad days make the good so much better.

So, let’s do this. Shall we? It’s going to be ok.