Six Reasons to Be More Selfish

“What do you want?”

That’s the question I am being asked a lot lately. And the question I still don’t have a good answer to. The truth is, I have been so busy with my career, my friends and my family, I’m completely losing sight of myself and what it is I want.

The past week, I decided what I wanted most was to see one of my best friends. This was a challenge as he lives a few hours away. I wanted time with him as he is one of my few “alone together friends”. You know, that person you can be in the same space with and not say a word. It’s just nice to know they are there with you. Alas our schedules just weren’t meshing.

Then fate intervened, when last Tuesday, my friend landed in the city with time to spare. He texted me that he was, in fact, minutes from my location. “Come here now”, he told me. And I did as I was told. Seeing him made me happy and sad all at once. We had thirty minutes for me to blurt out my entire life to him and he had one piece of advice for me, “You need to stop everything and put yourself first.” He went on to explain I need to guard my time in order to better understand what I want.

Since then I’ve been thinking, if we were all more selfish, would it be better for everyone? And I came up with six reasons you need to put “you” at the top of your agenda.

1) You Need Time Alone

Every Sunday I take time to go down to the Peekskill Coffee House and write by myself for two hours. This time is for me. No one else.

I could be doing work for the startup, as I do for far more than 40 hours each week. I could be at home cleaning the house, spending time hearing out a friend or treating one of my kids to pancakes. But no. I need to be selfish. I made a promise to myself that I would do this every week and write anything I wanted in the hopes that I would get better and better at doing something I love. It’s one of the single best decisions I have ever made.

2) Self improvement starts with “Self”

Stop and ask yourself, “when is the last time you did something for yourself?”. Hopefully, this happened in the past week. Maybe you hit the gym to work on your body, attended a yoga class to reinvigorate your mind or even played that video game that seems to melt the stress away. Best case, you took time to practice or learn more about something that will make your dreams come true or at least make you a better person.

3) Be self-reflective or you’ll start to go blind to all else

Often times, the problems we have with other people and the world in general, all stem back to our relationship with ourselves. Today, stop what you are doing and look in the mirror. Literally, stop, go to a mirror and ask yourself, “Do I like what I see? Would I want to hang out with me?”.

It’s not about looks, when you see your reflection. However, when you stop taking care of your body, it may reflect back on how you feel about yourself overall. Being self-reflective also means coming to terms with things you have said or done in the past week that you could have done differently. Knowing how you might play the week ahead in a fresh new way.

4) Say “no” when you don’t have the capacity

I do so many things out of obligation. And yes, we all have responsibilities and do things we don’t want to do. But if we have a true handle on all we have going on in our lives, we also have the power to understand we are over-drawing on our own time. I have had to say no to working on a few committees and showing up to a few events as of late. It doesn’t mean I am any less of a go-getter or social butterfly, it simply means I’m learning my limits and staying true to what’s best for me. Is there anything from your schedule you can cut?

5) Say “yes” to doing things that make you happy

Last weekend I dropped everything to go to a yoga class, get a mani/pedi and then spend a Sunday on a bar crawl with friends. Again, there is som much I have on my “to-do” list, but live is short and I decided I would make more memories having a Sunday to relax than I would cleaning my living room. What can you do today that would make you genuinely feel joy?

6) Self-care is key

Don’t neglect yourself. Take the time to look and feel your best. Keep your world in check. Make and keep doctor’s appointments. FInd time to be physically active. Do your laundry. Make yourself a nice meal. Get a haircut. These are all such simple things but you have to do them. Your life may change and shift a million times but ultimately, you will always be stuck with yourself. Be nice to you.

This week, put yourself first and see how it affects everything else. Could it make you a better worker, parent, friend or partner? Remember the people in your life all know and like the person you are. Give yourself that same regard and all else can fall into place.