The Parenting Pause: When the kids are grown, what do you put on your resume?

If I ever had to apply for the job of stay-at home parent, I am sorry to say I would be the least qulaified candidate. Here in the suburbs, I know quite a few people who devoted a number of years to raising their kids as their only profession. When I am with any of them, I feel a sense of awe and envy. Awe, in that they have chosen to take on one of the hardest jobs imaginable, the raising of a child. Envy, as there will always be a part of me that wished I’d had the chance to be that parent.

My husband, Jim, was home with all my children as babies and he took a three-month semi-paternity leave to stay home with my son.

Jim is proud to be what we call here at Chez Cairl, “the main parent” and I will be forever grateful for all he has done in raising our brood. But the truth is, even during his time at home, he’d freelance and do temp assignments. We needed the money. He made all of it work.

Today, let’s talk about Liz. She worked in production after film school at NYU. She worked on everything from films to TV shows. Her husband worked in the same business. When they moved to Peekskill she decided the hours of her chosen career would not exactly work with the demands of raising two children. So, she gave up it all up, while her husband continued to climb.

Seventeen years later, her oldest is headed to college and her younger one starts high school this fall. She’s now divorced and on her own. Recently, she lost her part-time job and felt lost herself.

Now she needs work and is reaching out to her network and scanning the “help wanted” ads to try to find one. But feeling odd, as to how she can best explain a large gap in her resume where “Parent” was her profession for a large chunk of her life.

There was far more she did than clean the house and raise the kids. She and I met on the PTO where her keen eye for detail and organization made her a natural born leader. She ran things for all of us with an ease and authority. She’s always been the Mom who had it all together, drove the mini-van and helped us full-time working parents survive. She’d cover a pick up or remind us of an upcoming sports event or concert we’d nearly forgotten. If raising a child takes a village, she was our neighborhood chief.

Now, it’s hard to imagine that Liz would ever have a hard time finding a job. But the hard truth is, when you are a woman re-entering the work place in your forties, it’s the ultimate challenge. Sure, she may find an admin job somewhere, except she is continually told she is over-qualified. And when she looks in the field where he thrived, she has missed years of innovation and connections (both of which are essential in the production field). She’s willing to start over again, but then there’s the age discrimination we pretend doesn’t exist but remains prevalent. There are a sea of Millennials waiting for every entry level offer out there.

As our resident career guru, I must admit, I am a little stumped. Does she add “Head of Household” to her resume? What would I think if I was sent a resume with this job description on it? Does she simply explain the gap when asked?

My husband was hailed a hero for his time at home, but the truth is he took several steps back to raise the kids and it has hindered his career growth. He still runs home to get our youngest from daycare while I have cocktails with clients.

Kids grow up… and then what? You still have skills and ambition. You may bring fresh ideas and consumer experience making you far more relevant than those who stayed in the workplace.

And let’s not knock your past job. Parenting is management at its finest. Parenting is negotiation, delegation, teaching and nursing all at once. Forget the Army, parenting is the toughest job you’ll ever love.

My advice to Liz was to keep working her network, as we all know her value, her worth and what she can bring to the table. She will be best taken care of with a personal recommendation rather than a cover letter. I don’t know what to do about her resume question and I open the floor to your advice.

What all this has taught me is how much we under-appreciate those people who do take the “Parent Pause”. These parents are a work-force in waiting and should be better utilized. I can say that all I want. I’m not sure this ridiculous issue will change overnight. For now, I am thinking on how I can help my friend find a job. I swear she’s damn good candidate.